099: When “leveling up” isn't motivating enough (with client Danbee Shin)
The benefits and results of what I do with my clients can vary in different ways, so I thought it would be fun to bring Danbee on the podcast to talk about her experience.
Danbee first came to me about a year ago, when business was going well on paper, but she wasn't motivated by "leveling up" anymore. She had some updates and projects in mind that she knew would help the business grow, but she couldn't get herself to do them – which was new to her as a life-long action-taker.
What was different about my work with Danbee compared to some of my other clients was that the main things she walked away with weren’t always super tangible action steps or quantifiable tweaks to the business. And still, she’s seen big changes in her business and life. Some of the benefits weren’t things she even would’ve thought she wanted to get out of our work together (until she had them.)
In the episode, we talked about:
- how Danbee wasn't feeling the fire and motivation to do the things she knew would grow her business
- procrastination came as a surprise for a high achiever/action-taker/"good girl" who's always taken action
- our businesses can't meet all of our needs
- realizing that not taking care of basic needs makes business hard
- getting a puppy caused a season of dropping to a Minimum Viable Effort
- understanding the "high achiever tendencies" helped let go of rigid routines that were getting in the way of her most impactful work
- letting business "be boring" for a while allowed space for creativity, novelty and challenge outside the business
- the reminder that our brains make us think that our current circumstances will last forever
- a fresh perspective can help you trust that what you're doing is the right way to go
- Danbee's definition of balance – and how it differs from the norm
- being able to work fewer hours means Danbee's life looks so different now --> she's the healthiest she's ever been
Plus Danbee shares her advice for anyone thinking about working with me 😊
Danbee – website designer and global inclusion specialist
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Procrastination as a new problem
When Danbee originally reached out to me for coaching, her web design business was going well – which she acknowledges was exciting because it’s not a given that business works out. At the same time, as the business was working so well, she was feeling bored, unmotivated and struggled with following through on updates and projects that she knew would improve her business. She described that procrastination and inability to follow through on her plans was a new problem for her as someone who’s used to taking action.
We talked about how your nervous system can get used to the challenge of figuring things out (like a business), so when things “just work” it can become boring. We also talked about the importance of finding what we need (for example, challenge) outside of our businesses – that we shouldn’t expect the business to fulfill all of our needs.
This had gotten Danbee thinking about the things that aren’t reasonable to expect from her business, and where she could direct that energy instead. She wanted to do more global inclusion work, but couldn’t see how that would fit with her web design business.
Letting business be boring
Soon after we started working together, Danbee got a puppy. She had less time to give to her business, and the challenge of training her puppy meant that it was a bit of a relief that business was going smoothly.
Danbee described that running her business in ”a boring way” was big for the business and her. It allowed her the time and brain space to come up with how to incorporate global inclusion into her work.
“When I allowed myself to find the fun stuff outside of business… it gave me the creativity and the energy to think of more fun stuff in my business.” - Danbee Shin
High-achiever tendencies
As the puppy took up a lot of the time Danbee was used to working, she worried that this was how it would be *forever*. It’s common to worry that undesirable circumstances or behaviors will last forever.
Danbee was wondering why she was so exhausted, while she also recognized that of course she feels like this because she hasn’t taken care of her basic needs and routines that are important.
Humans have a tendency to think that we are the exception to the rule; that we don’t need as much rest as everyone else; that we have more focus and energy than most. It’s hard to accept that we might be average – or worse.
We also talked about how we may at first be able to “get by” on the energy and motivation we have, but it’s not a finite resource – eventually we will *have to* take care of ourselves. Plus age has an impact, too.
Danbee was not healthy earlier in her life, when she was working hard and going for all the traditional achievements. Now, she is the healthiest she has ever been!
“If I want to break through a certain kind of ceiling in my own development, I need a foundation that is stronger and higher to support that.” - Danbee Shin
One of the things we addressed was that as a high achiever there is a danger that even taking care of yourself and living a life outside of work can become something we “perform” or “execute”. That these things become items on a to-do list, instead of being truly restorative.
On doing “the work”
Danbee says it’s exciting to explore the potential of what we can do. She’s found value in our work together by untangling some of the high achiever tendencies, and building self-awareness.
“Just understanding the fact that these are tendencies that I have made it easier for me to let go of certain things, like feeling like I needed really rigid routines.” - Danbee Shin
We had talked about how schedules, plans and routines are great tools (not rules! that can guide our progress if we don’t otherwise have a clear picture of what to work toward.
Danbee also now believes that aiming higher and bigger doesn’t always have to be the goal anymore – and that it’s been interesting to untangle where those beliefs have come from.
“My days look so different now”
Danbee described that she’s so much happier and feels lighter.
✔︎ She’s letting go of high-achiever tendencies and working fewer hours
✔︎ She’s never been healthier, she’s getting a lot of sleep, and she’s got a consistent routine she’s happy with
✔︎ Her business is going really well, and she’s incorporated her interest in global inclusivity into her work
About her experience with me
Danbee mentioned that she’s never seen anyone provide such thoughtful notes after a call, and felt they are really special.
She feels that working with me is like carving out time to understand herself better, and what kept her from working with me sooner as that she felt like she needed to have some particular “action plan” for us to troubleshoot.
She encourages anyone to hop on a call with me, even if you’re not quite sure what exactly you’d like us to work on together.